This piece began as a simple class demo on using fabric scraps and various forms of hand-applique to render the human form. After a time, however, I was drawn to the challenge of turning it into something more personal; something that went beyond the scope of the class altogether.
There is a vulnerability and distortion surrounding depression and anxiety that has led me to navigate and seek balance along the line that stands between emotional intelligence and the fog of debilitating dysphoria. In working on this piece, I realized I was avoiding the mouth and thoughts of what I could, would, or should be communicating. It has become an investigation into the tension between the inner life of the mind and the expectations, norms, and callousness of the world beyond.
As someone with nearly three decades of experience as a high-functioning and aware person with major depressive and panic disorders, I continue to examine and question what, how, when, and why thoughts and words are shared, spoken, hidden, intuited, bursting out, trampled, true, or untrustworthy from within myself; to discern the difference between my true voice and the betrayal of malfunctioning neurotransmitters.
In this piece, I have sought to capture this binding duality of my own identity and the tension that governs constant and simultaneous erosion and healing through the use of color, symbolism, and contrast. This piece is an act of self-acknowledgment, lament, and affirmation.